Part 1:Setting Personal Goals for Peaceful Holidays!
- jbhoward429
- Nov 4, 2024
- 7 min read
Updated: Dec 12, 2024
A Guide for Loved Ones of Addicted Adults
The holidays can be a season of joy, warmth, and love, yet for families impacted by addiction, they can also be a time of stress, heartache, and uncertainty. We’re drawn to celebrate the holidays with our loved ones, but this season can also bring up painful reminders of struggles and strained relationships. It’s a time where our emotions and expectations are heightened, and where we might feel a deep yearning for healing and peace.
As we approach this holiday season, it can be valuable to set goals for ourselves that we can control. Here are some simple, faith-centered personal goals to help you focus on what you can change, freeing you from the weight of things you cannot. Let's journey together with God through this season, trusting Him to be our anchor and guide.
1. Practice Daily Surrender
Goal: Begin each day with a moment of surrender, giving control over to God.
Scripture to Reflect On: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” - 1 Peter 5:7
It’s so easy to slip into the habit of worrying, especially when we are faced with the uncertainty of our loved one’s choices. As believers, we are called to release that burden to God, trusting that He cares deeply for both us and our loved ones. This daily act of surrender can bring a sense of peace and keep us grounded in faith instead of fear.
In the grand scheme of things, it is God and not us that can give moments of clarity to our loved ones and to ourselves as we go about our holiday activities. Worrying can tempt us into trying to fix situations over which we have no control. It can draw us into playing out all the catastrophic possibilities so that we are primed for just that – a catastrophe. That can cause us to overreact to the smallest of grievances because we are already so agitated by our imagined offenses. Anytime we find ourselves worrying about out holiday plans or our addicted loved one we must pause, take that worry captive and surrender it to God for safe-keeping, trusting that His will come to pass.
Practical Step: Each morning, spend a few minutes in prayer, releasing your concerns to God. Visualize placing each worry into His hands and feel the release of not having to carry them alone.
2. Prioritize Boundaries and Self-Care
Goal: Set and maintain healthy boundaries for gatherings and interactions with your loved one.
Scripture to Reflect On: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” - Proverbs 4:23
Setting boundaries may feel difficult, especially during the holidays when we’re pressured to “keep the peace” or to ignore uncomfortable issues. But healthy boundaries are a form of love—for both you and your loved one. Boundaries are about respect and preserving a safe, peaceful environment where healing can take root.
When my daughter was in active addiction my goal was to include her as much as I could without jeopardizing my safety or that of my family or property. That safety includes physical, mental, and spiritual safety. While firm boundaries are essential when dealing with someone in active addiction, letting that loved one know that they are still loved and wanted and that the door is open when they are ready to seek help is so important. The enemy has them beaten down with shame, regret, guilt, and hopelessness. While we must not excuse or enable bad behavior, we have to hold out hope to overcome their hopelessness. Shame has never caused anyone to change long term but hope, especially when rooted in Christ, always does.
Practical Step: Decide ahead of time on boundaries that will allow you to enjoy your holiday. For instance, setting limits on the length of visits or choosing a location that feels safe. Communicate these boundaries in love, reminding yourself that it’s okay to prioritize your well-being.
3. Cultivate a Grateful Heart
Goal: Focus on gratitude as an act of worship and to keep your heart soft and open.
Scripture to Reflect On: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Gratitude helps shift our perspective from what we lack to what we have. This season, try to find moments of blessing—even if they’re small. Gratitude can be a powerful antidote to stress, lifting our spirits and reminding us of God’s goodness.
It can be so easy to become consumed with what we are missing, whether it’s the presence of our addicted loved one or perhaps the loss of family members or strained relationships or any number of things, when returning to our traditional activities to celebrate the holidays. While grieving has its place in a healthy heart, may we not miss out on what we do have because we are so focused on what we do not. Don’t miss the time and memories with the ones that are there because you are so focused on the ones that are not.
A dear friend has always said expectations are premeditated disappointments and resentments. Come into the holiday with zero expectations and be grateful for the gifts of love, family, and togetherness they bring.
Practical Step: Each day, write down three things you’re thankful for, especially in the context of your relationship with your loved one. It might be something as simple as a moment of peace, a helpful conversation, or God’s comfort in a difficult moment.
4. Lean on Your Support System
Goal: Connect with trusted friends, family, or a support group who can offer encouragement and prayer.
Scripture to Reflect On: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
The journey with an addicted loved one can feel incredibly isolating. Surround yourself with people who uplift you and remind you of God’s promises. You don’t have to bear this burden alone; God created us to support and strengthen one another.
Do not remain in isolation. Seek out those people who are there for you along the way and encourage you with the truth of God’s word. Many people don’t understand and will offer well-meaning but ineffective advice, and some will even judge. Don’t give up. Continue to reach out until you find that team of people that will support you through the ups and downs of loving someone in addiction. They are out there. If you are struggling to find them, I suggest finding a local Celebrate Recovery, Recovery Alive, or Al-Anon to join to meet people on the same journey you are. Seek to build a relationship with a few people that are further down the road than you are, a few that are in a similar place to you, and as you continue your journey, look for those who are a few steps behind you that you can offer a hand.
Practical Step: Make a list of trusted friends or family members you can turn to for prayer or encouragement. Set a goal to reach out to at least one of them each week to keep you grounded and supported during the holiday season.
5. Embrace Forgiveness and Grace
Goal: Practice forgiving as a gift to yourself, releasing any bitterness and allowing God’s grace to fill your heart.
Scripture to Reflect On: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:32
Forgiveness doesn’t mean we overlook or excuse harmful behavior. Instead, it’s an act of grace that helps us let go of resentment and frees us to move forward with a heart open to love and healing. By forgiving, we acknowledge that each of us, ourselves included, depends on God’s mercy and grace.
The holidays can bring us together after long periods apart and inevitably some old resentments we have not dealt with will pop up. Choose for the duration of the holiday get-together to let it go. There will be other times to discuss it and find healing and resolution, but the heightened emotions of the holidays do not serve that purpose well. Romans 12:18 says, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” By no means would I suggest burying it forever or pretending it didn’t happen. I’m not asking you to suppress your feelings, but instead to be wise about when and how you express them so that you glorify God with this process.
Practical Step: If you feel bitterness rising, pause to pray for your loved one and ask God for the strength to release it. Even if it’s a small step, pray that He would guide you toward a forgiving heart.
In Closing: Keeping Christ at the Center
This holiday season, as you set these personal goals, let Christ remain your center. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. The God who walks with you is the same God who loves your struggling loved one more than we can fathom. Setting these small, achievable goals isn’t about being perfect but about creating a foundation of faith, resilience, and hope to carry you through each moment.
May God’s peace, wisdom, and love surround you and your family this holiday season. You are seen, heard, and deeply loved by Him. Let’s keep our eyes fixed on Christ, the author of our faith, as we walk through this season together.
Prayer for the Holidays
Precious Heavenly Father,
As we approach this holiday season, we come before You with hearts that carry both hope and uncertainty. Lord, You know the journey we are on with our loved ones who are struggling with addiction. You understand the pain, the worry, and the longing we feel for their healing and peace.
We ask for Your perfect peace to settle over us. Calm our anxious thoughts and fill us with Your presence, reminding us that You are in control even when situations feel overwhelming. Help us to release our fears into Your hands, trusting that You are working in ways we cannot see.
Guide us, Lord, to create a peaceful environment rooted in love and understanding. Give us wisdom to know when to speak and when to stay silent, when to extend our hands and when to step back. May our words and actions reflect Your grace and love, even in difficult moments.
Surround us with Your comfort, Lord. Fill any empty spaces in our hearts with Your love. May our gatherings be a time of warmth and kindness, and may our hearts remain soft and open. Show us how to extend forgiveness and compassion as You have shown us, even when it feels challenging.
Above all, Father, we lift up our loved ones to You. Draw them closer to Your healing and truth. We pray for breakthroughs, for moments of connection, and for glimpses of hope. Let Your light shine in our families this season, and may Your peace surpass all understanding, carrying us through every moment.
In Jesus' name, we pray,
Amen.
This holiday season, may you experience the grace and peace that comes from trusting in Him, one step at a time.
This part 1 in a series of posts to help have a more peaceful holiday season with our addicted loved ones or really anyone we have difficult relationships with. To read part 2, click the button below.
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