Allowing God to be God

There is a fine line between being Christ-like and trying to be Christ, not only in our lives but in others as well. Co-dependency happens when we find ourselves on the wrong side of that line. For people like me who are naturally consumed with co-dependency, we have crossed that line and set up camp. Our intentions are good. We just want to help, and we honestly believe we know what God would want to happen in difficult situations. It is as if we declare ourselves Assistants to God’s will and and take it upon ourselves to make our version of God’s will come to pass.

Upon my most recent reading of the story of Peter in the Garden of Gethsemane I saw a powerful illustration of just how foolish I have been trying to manage and control my loved ones in addiction and other strongholds. It all started at the very beginning of time. You see God designed a perfect world where he could commune with us and walk with us in the cool of the day, but he did give us free choice. Before you know it, here comes the serpent into the garden to tempt Adam and Eve into to doing the one thing God had asked them not to do. God had given them more gifts than they could count but the enemy convinced them to eat of the one tree he said not to eat of, and this brought sin into the world. God and sin can not coexist so he could no longer commune with his beloved creations. This pained him and he began to set a plan into motion so that we could be redeemed.

For hundreds of years this plan was prophesied. The Old Testament contains hundreds of prophecies of the coming Messiah and Jesus himself fulfilled over 300 of these prophecies. There are descriptions of crucifixion written in the Bible before Rome could even dream it. Jesus himself had been telling his disciples what was coming but they could not understand it. This was God’s plan from the time of the fall of Adam and Eve or maybe even since the beginning of time given that God was not taken by surprise by their actions. Hundreds of years, hundreds of prophecies, Jesus checking off box after box. Clearly this was the will of God. Jesus knew it was the will of God. He had spent his time praying and asking God to remove what was coming if he could but most importantly He asked that God’s will be done.

In the dark of night, the soldiers entered the garden and Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss – also prophesied. What does Peter do? He whips out his sword and begins swinging it. He loved Jesus and he was ready to defend Him, to protect Him, even if it cost him his life. He was a loving, loyal, and noble friend. As we look back at the situation it is obvious to us just how powerless he was in that moment, but he could not see it. They were outnumbered and would easily be overpowered. It would have taken a miracle to get them out of this predicament but there would not be one like that coming. God’s plan was in motion and there was no stopping it. A miracle was coming but it was far greater than Peter could fathom. But Peter in all of his pride thought that he could whip out his sword and thwart the will of God.

Like Peter, we are far more powerless than we can see or even imagine when we face our loved one’s addictions. And just like Peter we think that we can whip out our swords and save our loved one. We think we know what God wants for them and we think we can make that happen. Ironically our idea of what God wants for them looks a whole lot like what we want for them. Again like Peter, we want to protect the ones we love from suffering and we will go to any length to do just that.

I certainly did. I had been a foster mom for 11 years and had adopted 10 children. They had been abused, neglected, abandoned, and bounced around the system. The way I figured it they had suffered enough for a lifetime, and I advocated fiercely for them in the system. That fierce protection did not go away when they were adopted or as they got older. I was their mother. I knew what they needed. And if I was a good enough parent I could save them, overcome trauma and abuse, genetics, and anything else this world had thrown at them, and I could keep them from suffering. I prayed. I was doing it for Jesus, and I wanted him to bless my efforts. I truly believed I was carrying out His will or I would not have done it but looking back, in my head, his will and my will looked remarkably similar… too remarkably similar. I had set myself up as God in their lives and he had a very different plan. Just like Peter in the garden of gethsemane, a miracle was coming but not the one I had in mind. This one was far greater too.

You see I wanted my daughter happy, he wanted her joyful. I wanted to save her from suffering in this life, he wanted to save her from eternal suffering. I wanted her sober, he wanted her faithful. God’s idea of success with our children is different than ours. Not that I didn’t want her to be a faithful, on-fire, follower of Jesus, I just wanted her to become that way magically or by osmosis. I wanted me taking her to church every time the doors were open to do the trick. It did give her a foundation but not enough to see her through all that life was going to throw at her.

Following Jesus is not a natural thing to our sinful human nature. We are selfish and want what we want when we want it. We naturally want the gifts. We naturally want the healing. We naturally want all the easy things but we are not so quick to give up our sins, to make sacrifices, to put ourselves in uncomfortable positions to serve Jesus. To be a devoted follower of Christ we have to make a choice to pick up our cross and follow him daily. We have to get a good enough taste of His goodness to be willing to do that. There is occasionally the kid that falls in love with Jesus as a kid and gets called into ministry or something along those lines and that’s all it takes. The rest of us are a little more hard-headed.

So, what motivates the average selfish, sinful person to follow Jesus? I feel that it is often suffering. The very thing I was trying to protect my children from. Our suffering is one of the very few things in this life that make it natural for us to reach for God. In those moments we see clearly how powerless we are and how much we need a savior. I am sure that you have heard the statement that there are no atheists in foxholes. If you put an atheist in a dire enough situation, especially if he is powerless to do anything about it, and he will start praying to a God that he does not believe in. I serve in a jail ministry at our church and God does amazing things through it. We have multiple salvations every single week. Now some would call it jailhouse religion, and in some cases it probably is. But don’t think it is not sincere in that moment. They are stuck, suffering, completely powerless to fix it on their own and no matter how hardened or calloused to God they may be, they reach for him. Suffering and powerlessness make it natural to reach out to God.

I believe (and this is an I believe, so take it or leave it) that many times we reach out to God naturally in our suffering until we get a good enough taste of His goodness that we will choose to pick up that cross and follow him even when we don’t feel powerless, and we are not in pain. This realization changed the way I prayed for myself and for my loved ones. Rather than trying to prevent us from suffering, I asked God not to allow one ounce more of suffering than we required to place our faith in Him and grow that faith. I am willing to suffer and allow my loved ones to suffer if God is using it for His glory and to make us more like Him.

I am not suggesting that God causes us to suffer or that He enjoys our suffering. Suffering is a natural consequence for our sin and the sin of others in this world. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." We are in this world where we are surrounded by evil, by our sin and by others’ sins and yet God works it all together for our good when we love him and are called according to His purpose. Even before we reach out to God, God knows our futures and he knows who is called to His purposes and we can rest assured that any suffering we have undergone has somehow been used for good.

I know in my own life when I was younger, I was far more faithful in times of struggle and hardship. It was easy to focus on my faith then and when things were going well, I would get complacent. I still do but it is far better today than ever because God has brought me through that suffering. Not that he has given me the answers to the prayers that I wanted, but he has given me the answers that I needed. He has shown me time and time again that His will is far greater than mine could even dream.

But here’s the deal… my faith is not going to save my children or my other loved ones. If it would I would surely give it to them. I would wrap everyone I could under the umbrella of my faith and allow them safety without one drop of suffering landing upon them. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Faith is an individual thing that we must work through on our own with Jesus Christ. Unfortunately, your loved one may have to suffer through their addictions and its consequences before they will willingly lift their arms to Jesus. We can assume the position, much like Peter did, whip out our swords and fight to the deaths to protect them but we are as powerless, and our efforts are as futile as his was in that garden. All of our earthly fighting just prolongs the suffering and hurts not only our own hearts but many times, theirs as well. Our protection often enables them in their addiction and can prolong the amount of time they spend there.

I know that you desperately want to save them. I know that you desperately want to fix whatever is broken inside of them that is leading them to all of this. I have been there, and I would have sawed off my right arm if it would have saved her. My precious one, it is simply not your job. You are powerless but our God is all powerful. Your loved one, they are powerless in their addiction, but our God is all powerful. Our best efforts amount to no more than a cheap and completely unsatisfying imitation of God and all the promises he has for them.

If we are to fight we must not swing an earthly sword but we must pick up the sword of the Spirit and fight this battle as spiritual warfare. We have to hit our knees and pray for them and for us. We must lean into Jesus and grow our faith in Him. We must practice being still and letting him fight these battles for us. We have to sacrifice our control, our way of doing things, our expectations of what God wants and hand our children over to him, as completely as Abraham did Isaac, as Hannah did Samuel, as God did his son, Jesus Christ. It's a sacrifice that God will honor.

I remember the night I truly turned my daughter over to him. The night I stop trying to save her. The night I stopped taking responsibility for her actions and choices and stopped blaming myself. The night I got out of God’s way. It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I thought at the time it might just kill me. But it has brought the most beautiful miracles into my life. She is now 2 ½ years clean, happily married, has 2 children, and has truly become one of my best friends. We serve together in the recovery ministry at our church, and she is applying for her Peer Support Specialist Certification so that she can help other pregnant women in addiction. She has willingly turned her life over to Christ and has chosen to pick that cross up and follow him on the good days and the bad. I can not take credit for that. It was not anything that I did to get her sober but by getting out of God’s way, I allowed Him to work in her life as he pleased. She was able to work out her own authentic faith with Him without mine getting in her way. I would gladly go through it all again to see her where she is now. God is so very faithful!

But let me be clear, this is not one of those things like 4 simple steps to get your loved one sober. I can not promise you that that will be the result of this sacrifice. It is completely up to them to surrender to the Lord or keep running. What I can promise is that God honors your sacrifice and will see you through whatever is coming for them. Regardless of what choices they make your faith can grow, you can become more like Jesus, and you can find supernatural joy and serenity regardless of the circumstances. I have never met anyone that regretted devoting themselves more fully to following Christ. My prayers is that you will trust in the Lord, allow Him to work in your loved one, and most importantly invite Him to work in you.

God loves you and has you in the palm of his hand!